We DINKs get to enjoy our partner’s undivided attention, complete agreement with our opinions, and unwavering ego-stroking… wait, is that right? While we wish that were always the case, there are times when we don’t see eye to eye, but conflict is a natural part of a healthy relationship. And now is the ideal time to work through our differences since we don’t have the responsibilities of coordinating play-dates or scheduling pediatric visits. Instead, we can focus our energies during this precious time together on becoming stronger communicators, which will serve us well now and in the future.

The difference between an argument being a tool to get to know your partner on a deeper level through compromise and problem-solving or letting it become a wedge in your closeness is all dependent upon how you play the game. To avoid the slippery slope of a negative outcome, try these 5 guidelines for a fair fight:

1. Begin sentences with “I feel…” instead of “You…” – By describing feelings based on your own perspective, you avoid directly attacking your partner’s behavior and thus create a more receptive audience that will lead to better communication and possibility of compromise.

2. Be an active listener – As hard as it may be, when your partner is speaking, listen carefully. Try not to use this time to formulate arguments to each of their points. Resist the urge to interrupt. Body language is vital: your body is saying what your mouth is not. Make it a priority to maintain eye contact, relax your hands, and avoid defensive stances, such as crossing your arms over your chest, which makes you appear guarded and inaccessible. Because we don’t have small ears present, we can take the time to practice and develop effective communication skills because we generally don’t have to rush through arguments because little ones need our attention.

3. Consider motives with objectivity – Avoid jumping to conclusions. Be open-minded about what your partner may be trying to accomplish through this conflict, and also contemplate your own motives. Why do you feel a need to argue? What is the root cause? Sometimes arguments begin over minor issues and become blown out of proportion or end up being fueled by underlying issues. Once you isolate the root cause, you can begin to successfully solve the problem.