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Learning to Choose the DINK Life Without Apologies

For the longest time I wished that my husband and I had some deep reason for not wanting kids. But the truth is that we like sleeping in, drinking tons of wine and beer, taking impromptu naps in the middle of the day, spending our money on ourselves, and not feeling like we have to sneak a quickie in the laundry room (ok, unless it is purely for the fun of it).

But then I came to the realization that I don't *need* a deep reason for remaining childless, I just felt like I had to come up with one when the "kid-havers" looked at us quizzically after we stated we did not want some of our own. It's almost as if some of them didn't even realize that it was an option to not have kids - they just got married and commenced with the baby-making. And overwhelmingly we find that the kid-havers get defensive about our decision to not have kids, as if it is some sort of personal attack on their decision to have them. Which inevitably makes them feel the need to talk us into it. The conversation generally goes like this:

Baby-havers: Oh you just got married? When are you having kids?
Us: We're not
Baby-havers: (blink, blink, blink...blink blink) You mean....not right now?
Us: No, not ever
Baby-havers: Ohhhh I'm sorry, are you not able to have kids?
Us: No - everything works. We just don't want them.
Baby-havers: (blink, blink) Oh.....well you'll change your mind.
Us: Maybe. Then perhaps after we have them we will change our minds yet again, and have to drive them into the nearest lake.
Baby-havers: (blink, blink, blink)

(The baby-havers never get our twisted sense of humor)

I look at a lot of our friends with kids and they are constantly stressed, tired, and some even seem on the verge of divorce, and that is a huge turn off. I get that this is not always the case with couples who have kids, but I just don't love kids enough to chance it. I love my husband and want our kick-ass relationship for the rest of our lives, and I will pick him over some theoretical kid any day of the week.

Because we are not having kids, I've been able to leave my old career and go back to school full time to pursue a new passion. My husband, forever the car enthusiast, has his sites set on a new Nissan GTR. Our combined life focus is each other; fulfilling our dreams and constantly cheering each other on. We can do this unencumbered, without having to worry about things like play dates, soccer practice, or ballet lessons.

I'll admit, in the beginning I felt pangs of guilt for the choice. Perhaps it was guilt that I'd never give my parents grandkids beyond the kind that pant, slobber and bark. Perhaps it was the feeling of not falling within what society says is the "natural order" of things. But then I came to the realization that, at the end of the day we have this one life to live to the fullest, in the way that makes us happy, and this decision should not be dictated by anyone but ourselves. And every weekend that I get to snuggle up to my handsome husband until 10am is a happy reminder that we made the right choice.

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